How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
