Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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