No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize