You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
Randomize
