What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Randomize
