you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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