Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
