never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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