You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
