I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
We need to rekindle our bromance
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
