As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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