my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
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