I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
