I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
