dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
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