You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
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