If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
