drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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