I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
