I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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