Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
if i died would you start the facebook group?
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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