my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I smell like Dick and happiness
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
