Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
