Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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