I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
