Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
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