i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Randomize
