Walk of Shame. In a state park.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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