cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
You made out with two different species that night
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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