I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
Randomize
