I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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