so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Randomize
