I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I could make wine with my vomit
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
