Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
