if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
Just took my morning after pill in the library
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
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