i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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