if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
Randomize
