I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
