Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
Randomize
