I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
