i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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