Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
