You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Did you fill my inhaler with tequila?
Yeah, so?
Randomize
