Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
