I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
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