Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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