he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
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