I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
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