I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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