Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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