Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Life is so much better after having sex.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
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