If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
