Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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