So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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