hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
Randomize
