Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
