Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
