The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
