I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
