idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Randomize
