Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
