It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize
