oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
