If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
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