Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
